I don’t consider it a nightmare but…

So I had a somewhat disturbing but otherwise interesting dream.

From what I can remember, I’m inside my house, surrounded by family and friends, and am dressed up for my wedding. All decked out in the embroidery, gems, gold, etc. 

And there is an absolutely terrible feeling in my gut.

Apparently the ceremony was happening inside my house (No clue why) and I was about to take my final vows or something with my husband-to-be (whose face I don’t even know nor can remember.) And the whole time I’m like hyperventilating because of that terrible feeling. 

I’m completely rigid the whole time, not smiling, worry etched so clearly on my face while everyone else fawns over me and my husband-to-be. And I’m begging with my eyes for someone to help me but no words leave my mouth. I’m all choked up and  unable to breath. 

They start walking us down this walkway, some sort of symbol of us taking our final steps as an unmarried couple, and our first ones as a married couple. And I’m standing there, heart hammering against my chest and on the verge of crying because I don’t want to take those steps. Next to me is my husband-to-be and I look up at him, pleading with him but he doesn’t even look at me. His eyes are set straight ahead and it seems like it makes no difference whether I’m next to him or not. 

I was surrounded by the people I love all willing me to take those steps, my arm wrapped around that of a man who didn’t even care that I was dying on the inside. My eyes catch the gaze of my mom, who is smiling and waving her hands at me to start walking. But the second I see her I think to myself “Someone who can help me!” and I run away from my husband-to-be and into my mom’s arms. I tell her,

"I don’t want this Mom. I don’t want this please, don’t make me do this."

But my mom only laughs and pulls me away from her arms. She tells me I’m being silly and that my husband is waiting for me. I keep telling her no but she pushes me forward. Finally, I run away from her and outside the house. And I stay there, refusing to walk back into the ceremony. 

Confused, my mom sends everyone away and assures my “in-laws” that I’m just nervous or I’m feeling sick.

The next day, I’m at home again, and everyone is asking me why I ran away. And I keep trying to tell them but they ignore my words, instead telling me how I should quickly resume the wedding ceremonies. 

Finally, my dad comes home. He hadn’t been there for the wedding (I have no idea why) but when he does come back, he hears about what happened and asks me, like everyone else, why I ran away. I told him everything, about how scared I felt and how wrong the whole situation felt and that my husband didn’t even care that I was in such distress. I held my breath, waiting for my dad to answer and he frowns. 

"If I were there to see that man ignore you like that, I’d have pulled you out of that ceremony myself!" he said angrily. Instant relief rushed over me and  hugged my dad, telling him he was the only one who understood me. 

My dad then tells me that the only way to mend the situation, to keep from completely offending the other family by flat out refusing their son, was for me to find another guy to marry and convince them that he had been my original choice or something like that. So he starts calling up people trying to find someone and I stop him and cautiously suggest someone to him. My dad agrees that this guy is perfect for me and calls him up. 

The first call was to his house and his family picks up saying he isn’t home. My dad then asks for his cellphone number and calls that instead. And the moment before the guy picks up his phone, I wake up. 

I don’t know what the hell that dream was supposed to tell me but as of now I think I have a slight phobia of arranged marriages D:

  1. argumentsofmindthoughtsofsoul posted this